Avsnitt 2: Partnervillkor
Idag snackade vi om dejting på fyllan och hur jäkla ogenomtänkt det faktiskt är.
Vi pratar även om varningslampor man kan tänka på när man börjar att dejta någon. Vad vi också pratade om här var olika personlighetsdrag man kan hålla utkik efter också, positiva som negativa. Vi avslutade det med att komma fram till vad den ultimata frågan man bör ställa till sig själv...
Nu finns vår pod att nå på:
iMac / Macbook: iTunes
iPhone: Podcastappen
Android: Stitcher
PC/Webbläsare: Soundcloud
I podden pratade jag även om Phileas Cage, mannen som fick sin frontala lob genomborrad av ett järnrör, men överlevde. Här kommer först en till till vart ni kan köpa en bok som pratar delvis om honom, men vars huvudfokus ligger på viljekraft och hur vi kan få mer av den. Utan tvekan en av de bästa böckerna jag läst i hela mitt liv. Rekommenderas starkt!
The Willpower Instinct av Kelly McGonigal
Här har ni även ett youtubeklipp med henne, författaren alltså:
Vill ni läsa endast om Phileas Cage, så är nog det enklaste, snabbaste och billigaste sättet wikipedia!
Attention Span.
Self-control is used in directing and focusing attention. So pay attention to how well your date pays attention to you. Keep an eye out for examples of this in other areas of their lives too. Does your date have to pay attention to small details in a job or hobby? Are they easily distractible all the time? If they are distracted, unfocused, and all over the place, they may not have high self-control. Such distractibility may make communicating, sharing, and relating in a relationship very difficult.
Delayed Gratification.
Self-control also allows us to put things off that we want, until we can reasonably acquire them later. It lets us be patient. If your date is freaking out because dinner is late, pay attention. Similarly, if they have a lot of credit card debt, be on alert. Essentially, people who cannot delay gratification need everything now. They have very little patience. So, if making your date wait makes him or her especially grumpy, then you may want to rethink waiting around for them.
Planning.
Conscientious individuals can make a plan and stick to it. These plans don't have to be elaborate. But, they always include at least a general idea. In contrast, individuals who "fly by the seat of their pants" or "just wing it" are not conscientious. Their spontaneity may be fun at first, but it seems less charming later when you have to plan something big and you can't get a straight answer out of them.
Achievement.
Finally, individuals with both high self-control and conscientiousness get things done. They accomplish and achieve. This doesn't mean that they are all millionaire CEOs. But it does mean they finish what they start. If your date has a dozen half-finished projects, plans, or dreams, you may want to ask more questions. Chronic talkers who never follow through usually have low self-control and conscientiousness. A relationship with them might become just another half-finished project.
Conclusion
When deciding to "keep" a dating partner around, love just isn't enough to build a workable relationship. Neither are the physical attributes or mental qualities on your usual dating interview list. Your date needs to have the ability to be a good partner. That ability comes from good self-control and conscientiousness. Look for those characteristics, and you will find yourself a true partner.